Questions That Keep You Up At Night*

*This was the title of a book I saw at a Barnes and Noble the other night. The questions hidden within seemed to stretch the liklihood of you staying up. Take for instance the question, how many heart beats can the human heart handle before it gives up?

If I’m thinking this at night I’m wondering if maybe my heart has met it’s limit and now it’s lights out for Keithyboy. Well, luckily for you they never answer the question in the book. Well, not with any realy clarity. Basically it said that you we can’t tell you how many thuds a heart makes before it kicks off because there is no number. Or, more so, it can happen whenever. Which in a way, yeah, makes me freak out a little more than the original answer I was hoping to receive.

But then there was questions like “are cats smarter than dogs?”

Yes. I am guilty. I have been kept up hours throwing this incredibly dumb question back and forth in my obviously stupid mind. Why in the fucking world would this question keep you up at night? It seems like something that you would be able to catch up on in the morning. As far as I’m concerned I don’t thnk they’ll be much genetic differences in the animals when you wake up in 8 (but you’re excited so we’ll say 6) hours. So your fascination in this asinine question which no really cares about will still be in its prime and ready to go when you roll out of your probably wonderful bed because people must get paid a lot to find this shit out and worry about matters as intense as these.

Basically, don’t buy this book. It’s dumb. I’m pretty sure it might already be gone (there were two left in the bargain section of the store). If it happens to get rediscovered by some dumb day time TV host don’t buy. There are much more puzzling books where you really need to weigh your choices. There are scenarios to chose from. Questions that would probably make you stay up at night. ex: You are charged to kidnapp the daughter of promninent senator. If you do this you will be rewarded handsomely for your participation. However, if you elect to not kndnapp the little girl than you’ll life wil be put in more frequent danger and you will lose at least half of you life savings. Which do you pick?

Real questions meant to bend the mind, like, Miley Cyrus will do you but only if you also do justin bieber. Do you do one and suffer through the other or simply abfrain from the incredibly wonderful Cyrus Bieber sex.

Qustions like these will destroy any of those other questions that are floating around in bullshitt books aimed at just making a profit. My book aims to make a super profit. And that’s that. See it on sheleves sometime by the late holiday season.


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