Things To Tell People When You’re Limping

Unfortunately (or fortunately if you don’t like me) I’ve developed an adorable limp because of a fun medical condition I have that I don’t write about on here because, well, it’d probably bore you. But seeing that I have been struck with this temporary ailment, I might as well make light of it. So, here’s a few ideas of things you can tell people when they ask you why you’re limping.

You can say:

 “God bless us everyone. But not me. I have a fucking limp.”

“Think this is bad? You should see the other guy.”

“Penn State Football Camp wasn’ nearly as much fun as I thought it’d be.”

“Chris Hansen called out sick that night.”

“My leg is made of chocolate and it’s kind of warm out today.”

“I’m just looking for that sympathy sex.”

“I’m just looking to see who would sleep with a gimp.”

“One minute you’re hanging with Ghaddafi and the next…”

“Bear trap.”

“Flo from the Progressive commercials can be  areal bitch.”

“Tonya Harding really wanted to win.”

“Another bear trap.”

“It could be worse. I could be dead.”

It’d work best if you looked very serious after you say these things only to smile after a few moments. You know, so you don’t come off looking really bad. Maybe odd, but fun odd.

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2 Responses to “Things To Tell People When You’re Limping”

  1. Elizabeth C. Says:

    So thats why your friend told me you had been attacked by a bear the last time I saw you at chili’s!

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