What to do During an Earthquake

On tuesday the east coast experienced a rare event when the earth shook briefly. I was at my place of employment when the devestation (a few light weight lawn chairs toppled over) occured. A few co-workers felt the quake and I’m kind of jealous of them. Why? Well, because they felt an earthquake and I felt nothing. This seemed to be a common experience for various people. Some felt the shaking while others, sometimes right by them, felt no movement whatsoever. So I wondered why this was. And from this thought I’ve learned what you should do when the earth gets grumpy.

Ignore the earthquake.

This is the best way to avoid bad things. If you simply don’t believe it to be actually happening it isn’t really happening. Kind of like how if it burns when you pee it won’t be chlamydia if you never get tested for it.

Never be still.

Despite what the rock band The Eagles say (‘Learn To Be Still’) never find yourself just sitting or standing or lying around. The people I kow who felt the quake were sitting. I on the other hand was moving around when the disaster struck and I didn’t feel a thing. So using this experience I’ve realized that you won’t feel an earthquake if you are constantly on the move.

Drink heavily.

When you drink too much you can get that wonderful feeling known as the spins. For all of those who have never experienced this the spins are when the room seems like it’s spinning. When an earthquake hits it causes the earth to move around violently much like your perception of the world after you go on a bender. So by using the logic of quantum physics we can see that if your perception of the worls is a moving one than the actual movement during an earthquake will be offset. The two cancel each other out. Seriously. Try it out. Chug that vodka and have a buddy shake you with an anger you didn’t know they had. It’ll work out great.

Be in outerspace.

If you’re not on earth when there is an earthquake you’ll be safe. This is why NASA was originally introduced. To get away from earthquakes. And to build night clubs on the moon. Apparently members of the space program were clubber kids (the rave kind not the seal kind).

Constantly shake stuff/keep things messy.

If you’re in a constant state of shaking and have a messy room you won’t really notice that the bookshelf is moving and that the books that fell from it were ever there to begin with. And who knows, maybe one of these days an earthquake will clean your house for you. I’m pretty sure that’s what this 2012 nonsense is all about. Clean homes. The Mayans were a clean people.

So there you have it. Five scientifically proven things to do when you find yourself in an earthquake. I wish you the best of luck the next time the big one hits.

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One Response to “What to do During an Earthquake”

  1. Craig Says:

    Sexy, also I recommend getting a tattoo or taking a poopie

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