There are two things that I should say before I begin this little rant. The first is that I know that Stephen Hawking has a disease (ALS) and I am in no way making fun of him because of this. I think it’s amazing that he accoomplished all of the things he has in spite of being dealt a bad deal. The second thing is that I’m not going to try to prove or disprove God here. Sure, I’ll mention my personal beliefs, but I won’t push them on you. ‘Cause what you believe doesn’t always show how much you know (though I do know some things). On the inverse, knowing a lot doesn’t always make what you believe any more believable. But I digress.
Last night Stephen Hawking had a special on Discovery Channel where he stated his beliefs on the universe and where it came from and how humans came to be. He answered the “is there a God” question. The show was entertaining and very interesting but along the way I started to have some thoughts of my own regarding the universe, God, and Mr. Hawking as well.
The first was about Stephen Hawking. Why is it that in every show he does he is in a fairly empty room by himself? He always looks uncomfortable in his wheel chair. Whenever the camera pans by his face you see his eyes and they seem to be begging for someone to come and take him from the loneliness that sitting alone in an empty room brings. Or maybe he just wants someone to seperate Himself from his robot parts.
See, I have a theory of my own. And this theory came to me a while ago. Maybe at a mall somewhere. It was at a mall. Menlo Park Mall. I was standing on the upperdeck of the parking garage when it hit me. Stephen Hawking ia half man half robot. I don’t think he even wants to be a part of this garbage any more. But the robot and the makers of the robots need to keep him around. The world has this idea that Stephen is actually the man who knows these secrets to life. But it’s not. He was just a boy that the all knowing robots captured and strapped to a chair and through time and terrible procedures he began to resemble what he looks like now. The ‘voice’ that he speaks with isn’t saying anything he’s thinking. It’s saying what the robots want to say.
Now robots don’t have anything against God, per se. They do have a problem with souls though. Human beings have souls (along with other creatures on earth) and this pisses robots off. To be fair, if I was a robot I would be pissed off about not having a soul too.
See, I will concede that a robot could do everything I currently do and do it better. Every morning where I forget how to button a shirt? Psh, a robot would be done with that task in a matter of moments. Brushing my teeth? A robot would have the whitest cavity-free teeth ever (it also helps that most robots don’t have teeth). Robots would even love better than I do, if you program it to anyway (on every robot there is a “love more gooder than Keith” option). But despite all these things they are better than me at they still can’t get to heaven. That’s why Wall-E was so depressing (I never actually watched the movie). This is also why if you listen to the audio of Short Circuit as loud as you can you can hear Johnny 5 softly whimpering.
So basically, anyone who somehow got offended by Stephen Hawking’s view of God and the afterlife (which he says does not exist) should think about their anger whenever they use a toaster. Stephen Hawking is just a toaster who’s able to say stuff about theology. And you know what? Your smart phone believes in God even less than him.