Archive for July, 2011

The Face of Jesus

July 19, 2011

Yesterday a couple from South Carolina claimed that they saw the face of Jesus on their receipt from Walmart. After going to the store to pick up some pictures a few days ago the engaged couple found the receipt on the kitchen floor with the good Lord’s image on the paper. They were astonished with this finding and called the store asking what could have caused the receipt to change it’s color. Someone at the store (probably a cashier but also possibly a stock-boy) told them that the only way the receipt could change was if it was exposed to heat. Being somewhat of a skeptic when it comes to these heavenly images that people see I’ll let you be the judge of if it looks like Jesus.


One question comes to my mind when reading this story and looking at the image; why do we think we have any clue as to what Jesus looked like?

Really. Since christianity became a dominant religion people have molded Jesus to look like a native of their land. This is why we have such contrasting art when it comes to the depiction of Christ. If you go to Asia you’ll see a Jesus that looks Asian. When you go to the middle-east you’ll see a Jesus that is tan. When you go to Africa you’ll see Jesus as a black man. And when you go to the western world you’ll find Jesus to be quite toned and with piercing blue eyes (which I always found curious).

I don’t know what He looked like, but I imagine that he had some middle-eastern features. I come to this conclusion mostly because He was born and lived in the middle east (I used deductive reasoning to get to this thought).

In regards to the image on the receipt I’ll go out on a limb and say that I don’t feel that it’s Jesus. You probably think that I think that Jesus doesn’t have any reason to show up on such an odd and pointless medium. But you’re wrong if you think that. The reason Jesus would never show up on a Walmart receipt isn’t because it’s trivial. It’s because Walmart is such a Godless place.

And Jesus is a Caldor guy anyway.


Mila Kunis AKA the Bell of the Ball

July 13, 2011

Hollywood hottie (I feel like a hack for using the phrase “holly hottie”) Mila Kunis was asked to a dance in the most charming way. Actually, it’s not just a dance. It’s the Marine Corps Ball (which is several steps above my 8th grade dance) and the guy who asked her was a marine. Sgt. Scott Moore of the 3rd Battalion 2nd Marines serving in Muisa Qala, Aghanistan. He made a youtube video where he lifted his shades slightly, introduced himself and asked her to the gala. While promoting her new film Friends With Benefits Kunis accepted his proposal after co-star Justin Timberlake told her she would have to go to the ball or spend the weekend with me.

Considering that Mila Kunis is one of my celebrity crushes (which is odd considering she’s not attractive or anything…) I have to comend Sgt. Moore. He went for the gold and he got her to publicly agree to go on this date.

As much as I envy this guy, he deserves this. In fact, being a soldier in a war zone (especially one as unforgiving as Afghanistan) should allow for this kind of thing to be a common experience. This guy should probably get a little something after the ball as well. You know, just to say thanks for his service.

But I have to wonder how many of his fellow servicemen are kicking themselves for not making a youtube video to ask out their particular celebrity crush? There has to be one or two who are just mulling over their decision to not post the youtube video they made where they asked out Natalie Portman. I know I regret never going through with my romantic plee with Wayne Knight.


Derek Jeter and the Relevance of the Game

July 11, 2011

On SaturdayDerek Jeter joined the elusive 3,000 hit club by belting a homerun. Getting to 3,000 hits and would have been noteworthy even if he had dribbled a lazy single into the outfield, but reaching the milesne by going yard just accented the accompishment even more. In fact, Jeter is only one of two people whose 3,000th hit was a homerun. Sure, this is a stat that when you look at it really doesn’t mean much but it still brings a bit more pomp to the whole thing. This makes me think of the lucky fan who managed to catch the revered ball and thusly gave it back to Jeter rather than make a quick (and rather shiny penny).

The 23 year-old Christian Lopez found himself in the spotlight after getting posession of the ball. Christian being a die hard Yankees fan decided that giving the ball back to the first-ballot hall of famer was the right thing to do. And right he was.

Since he made the descison to not hold onto the memorabila people have been calling him a great guy or an idiot. How could he not pocket the ball and collect the substantial amount of money he would undoubtedly get? What’s wrong with this guy? Well, nothing is really wrong with him at all.

Lopez showed on Saturday what love of the game is all about. In a world where money makes everything go round (this definately holds true when it comes to the business of baseball) he decided that instead of perpetuating this attitude he would give the ball back to the man who achieved this accomplishment and has made people forget about the awful things in their life if even only for a few hours. It seemed like Christian was almost paying Jeter back for the entertainment he has provided him. And while I have no way to be sure of this, I bet that Jeter felt pretty good to make someone’s day pretty amazing. Which I guess is the point of sports in general. To have a good time and get lost in a game for a little bit.

Look, I think we all know how trivial things like sports are when you look at them held up to all the strife of the world. Losing a game and thusly losing your cool because of it doesn’t carry the same levity as getting diagnosed with a sickness or seeing someone you love die. Everyone knows this and know one really shys away from this fact. But when a team loses it can feel like the world is ending. I believe we think like this because while we can’t control the outcomes of these games, we get over the loses. It’s a lot harder to get over a death. But games, no problem. And that’s not a bad thing.

The feelings we feel because the home team couldn’t scrounge up a few extra runs to win the game allow us to feel bad and possibly learn how to deal with the really bad stuff. Losing in game 7 won’t make cancer any less awful, but maybe you’ll have built up a bit of something from watching these games and that will help you get through your “big deal”. Because, even though your team may hve lost this year, they’re comming back to play again next spring. And you’re going to want to be there for when they go all the way. So use that added, all be it kind of silly, sentiment during your battle. It could help.

And it’s good to jsut get away from the muck that is living everyday. That triangle shaped field provides a reason to push the other things aside. That’s a pretty wonderful thing if you ask me.

Casey Anthony: Blood Lust In America

July 5, 2011

Today the long ordeal over the death of the adorable toddler Caylee Anthony has seemed to have hit a stop sign. This isn’t to say that it is over. An innocent little girl has been lost andthose who knew and loved her will be haunted with this loss for as long as they live. I don’t really want to go into my opinion on whether Casey Anthony was guilty (I tend to agree with the jury who delivered a not guilty verdict on all of the manslaughter charges but rather the response that some people have had when it comes to this case and their feelings concerning Casey Anthony.

People want Casey Anthony to pay for what happened to her daughter. This seems like a reasonable human response considering anything involving the abuse/death of a child is one of the worst things someone can do. But is wanting someone to pay for what happened trump thinking with a clear head? None of the evidence that was provided to the jury in this case made it clear that Casey murdered her child. None of it. But people tend to want to punish her anyway. She’s a slut and had such an awful response (or lack of response) to the disappearance of Caylee. Clearly she should be punished.

Even before this trial began there was somewhat of a lynching of the character of Casey. She did act in odd, often disturbing ways while Caylee was missing. She was found guilty in the public’s mind before she had the chance to defend herself. TV personalities had already made up their mind (see the God awful Nancy Grace as an example). Because the media had made up their mind the public was fed information that seemed to do nothing but incriminate her and people latched onto it.

But something even more disturbing is, even after the verdict was read and she was found to be innocent, people want Casey to pay for what happened. They want blood. And to be honest, it’s pretty disgusting. It reminds me of Rome and the “shows” that were put on where people were killed. This trial showed many people at their worst cheering on what ultimately became a kind of blood sport. Their lust for blood made logic fade. Even though no evidence was provided linking Casey to the death people want someone to pay because, well, someone has to. So let’s kill the slut. She’s a bad person and deserves the worst thing that can happen to her. Some would go on and say that even the death penalty wouldn’t be enough punishment for her. They want her to suffer. They want her to be in pain and they want to be able to know about it. I bet some people enjoy the image of her dying. That’s what you would think by reading people’s comments on the internet. You find people frothing at the mouth wanting blood to be spilled. It apparently doesn’t even matter if a person is found to be guilty or not. The lust for revenge, warranted or not, overcomes the human psyche. People turn into animals. Which makes me wonder if the very people who are wanting death for death are much better than the person they accuse of being responsible for the initial death.

Especially when a person is found to be innocent.


Is A Wizard Ever Really Sober?

July 4, 2011

In an act of clear witchcraft actor Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame has alerted the world to the fact that he has quit the sauce. This saddened me mostly because I always imagined that sharing a brew with the aspiring child star would allow me to revel in tales of former glory, cocaine laced fevers, and the hope of getting back to what really matters in life (something which I’ve always found alcohol to be a part of). But now these dreams of mine have been shattered all because Radcliffe has decided to become a proper non-drinking Brit. He’s 21, by the way.

Apparently while filming 2009’s Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince he found himself drinking too much. At first this confused me because he wasn’t 21 when he started his “descent”, but then I remembered how in England the drinking age is 18 (something that is frowned upon in the oft-sheltered United States). My fears of a movie star partaking in underage drinking quelled, I wondered just how much he drank. I imagine that he had the access to the kind of binges that result in epic stories of debauchery, but for whatever reason I can’t think of the bespeckled wand toting accented guy getting ripped out of his mind. This line of thinking is flawed though, because some of the best/worst drinkers I know happen to be wizards.

It is common knowledge that wizards are able to take more abuse to their bodies than us common folk. It’s a genetic disorder that allows for this anomaly to take place (as well as a vitamin-D deficiancy). Some would call having this “disorder” a blessing considering you can get yourself into all kinds of hocus pocus fun, but others would maintain that it is more of a hindrance than anything else.

Much like Native Americans (and genies) alcoholism runs wild in the wizard population. In fact, it is widely believed that Professor Dumbledore had various torrid affairs with fellow associates, some recently graduated students, and a certain hat that seems to never shut up.

One has to wonder about whether a wizard can ever truly be sober. I mean, if you had the ability to mix drinks with out even touching the stirrer wouldn’t you be more inclined to drink? It’s the ultimate party trick and everyone knows that party tricks make you popular. Even if you’re a good for nothing wizard.

Considering that Radcliffe is only 21 years old, I doubt that this new lifestyle sticks. Everyone has had that morning where they swear they’ll never drink again. Well, you eventually do drink again. Your indictment of alcohol doesn’t last. Even if you’re magical.

7 Reason Women Cheat: A Flawed Concept

July 3, 2011

After a good night of decent drinking (I’m not ripped but I’m happily buzzed, though coming down from it at the moment) I came home and made myself something to eat (left over pizza from Papa Johns) and flipped on the television and alternated between Geraldo Rivera covering the Casey Anthony trial and The Blair Witch Project. I found that these two programs were oddly similar though I’m not sure why. I also thought about writing about these similarities but realized it would basically just be mostly incoherent rambling (a typical thing when it comes to me) and decided not to do it. So instead I went to my laptop and decided to check the three new emails that I received. When going onto (my email provider) I saw on their homepage a story labeled Confessions: 7 Reasons Why Women Cheat. You can read the article here. Because I have a tendency to write about various topics slightly (or overtly) tinged with thoughts on relationships I figured I should talk about this. Why the hell not, right?

This is the list that they provided and my thoughts on each of them. They mostly won’t be that detailed. Probably because I have my own ideas on why women (and people in general) cheat on their partners. I’ll get to that at the end.

1. There’s no passion.

OK. This doesn’t seem like a totally unreasonable reason for straying from someone you’re in a relationship with. If there is no excitement in the relationship, you’ll get bored. When you get bored your eyes start to wander and you start to wonder what else is out there. And then next thing you know your tongue is in someone elses mouth and your waking up in a strange bed.

2. To delay a breakup.

At first I didn’t really get this, but then I thought about it and I understood it (sort of). When you’re with someone who you care about and you start to have feelings for someone else you’ll postpone your departure from that first someone because you still care about them. And when you care about someone you don’t want to see them hurt, even if you care about someone a bit more. So you delay ending it while you begin to do things you do with the new person that you did with your current/soon to be former.

3. Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder.

Distance between you and the one you love sucks. It hurts and it makes you feel pretty awful. Sure there is an excitement that comes with it (I mean, you two will certainly make it work because your love is stronger than all the other people who couldn’t take distance. Right?), but when it comes down to it you can grow apart because of the miles between you. You find people closer who are able to fill the emptiness that your long distance lover can’t fill anymore. So you act on your instincts and cheat.

4. To avoid being left out in the cold.

Basically, you see someone else and keep the person you were seeing exclusively because you need insurance in case the other relationship doesn’t work out. No one likes to be alone (despite what they may say) and having something to fall back on can be nice. Especially if you’re comfortable with someone. Sure you may think things could be better with someone else, but that aspect of comfort and safety are just so damn appealing you don’t want to give it up. So you don’t. You basically hold try outs well keeping your trusty starter.

5. To make a break from a bad relationship.

No one likes to be treated badly. This is especially true when you’re in a relationship with someone. You’ve shown yourself in your most vulnerable state and to be ridiculed is not something that someone who shared that vulnerability with you should do. So you begin to notice people that treat you nicely. And this transcends just friendly meetings and makes its way into more emotional feelings. One things leads to another and you find yourself being intimate with this kind person while you’re still with the unkind person.

6. To find that missing piece.

Along with being treated badly no one likes to feel empty. Even if it’s only a partially empty feeling, it’s not good. So when you’re in a relationship and things in your life seem right, if you still have this empty feeling you’ll begin looking at everything around you to find what’s wrong. Your significant other can be a movble piece when it comes to this. And plus as the women in the article, Lizzie, points out; if you don’t like the beach you can’t be with me. Because the beach is totally awesome and who needs land dwellers.

7. To give him a taste of his own medicine.

You’re with someone who you know had a past where they weren’t always the most faithful person. They also possibly sowed their seed often with many different people and you thought that things would change once you and them were together. And they don’t. And you find out. So you fool around with someone else and make sure they know it. Because, well, they deserve it. 

These are 7 reasons that you can wrap your mind around. They make sense. You can sit down and say, you know what, this is a good reason to cheat on someone.

But the problem with all these examples of cheating is that cheating is just a shitty thing to do. Really. You can justify the action all you want, but it still sucks. It may not make you worse than the person who treated you like garbage or as bad as the person who was busy getting busy with other people when you were together, but it doesn’t excuse your actions.

The simplest (and I know it can be hard to do this) thing to do is to just end it with the person. If you find yourself in a position where you’re having feelings for someone else and you want to explore those feelings more, don’t string someone else along for the ride. Let them go and go about your exploration. It’s OK that things didn’t work out with you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. They’ll find someone else in time. But cheating just makes you a jackass. And do you really want to be remembered as a jackass? I didn’t think so. You’re respectable and a decent person. So do the right thing and just let the ship you were on sail without you. Tugging another boat will just get messy and make the ocean more polluted.