200 Uncontacted Tribal People

The other day 200 tribal people were found living in a rainforest in Brazil. If you’re anything like me then you’re thinking what the fuck does someone have to do for a little bit of privacy? These people have hidden away from the outside world and, seemingly, have done pretty well for themselves. Actually, I bet life is pretty sough for them, but it’s all they know. And hey, they’re much better at building things than I am. I can’t make a hut. They have four of them. I don’t even have one. Though I guess streaming internet pornography kind of trumps that.

If you ask people about indigenous people you’ll usually find two schools of thought. The first is that these people of our past were so much more enlightened than we are. They understood how to coexist with the planet and followed the stars to find out what the future held for them. They were wise, though apparently not wise enough to not be eliminated from the very earth they worshipped (life is full of irony)

The other mindset seems to feel these ancient relatives of ours were complete morons. Sure they got by, but not with any real success. We are much smarter than they ever were and we show it every night we take the PATH train home after a bender in the city. What did they do when they had too much barley? Sacrifice someone? What idiots, right?

Of course, as pretty much everything tends to be, the truth lies somehere in the middle. They weren’t idiots but they weren’t brilliant either (not in every sense anyway). But we feel that we need to either criticize them for their lack of knowledge or marvel at how advanced they are for how they manage to live without being advanced. Both of these things seem dumb. To me, it seems rather simple when realizing that these “unknown” people are brilliant. And the reason they are brilliant is because they live life without wearing pants.

When was the last time you didn’t wear pants in a public setting? How many times did you wish you could just kick off your shoes and tear off your pants while waiting in line at Stop & Shop?I have this thought all the time. Hell, I even spent a night in the clink because of this desire. And I know you’re wondering what I did with the stride gum I bought. Well let me just say that shopping nude is exactly why lube was invented.

So let’s leave these pantless wonders alone. Let them have their huts and their clothless butts. They’re pretty much living the American dream.


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