A report came out of the other day from Great Britain that showed that people are happier and more energetic when they listen to the radio as compared to when they watch TV or surf the internet. There are basically three conclusions that I drew from this study: 1) People from Great Britain are refered to as Britons (something I honestly didn’t know), 2) pornography is incredibly depressing, and 3) Ke$ha doesn’t get much airplay in Britain.
The first point about Britons being called Britons is just an observatin I had. I had no idea they weren’t called Britains (yes I knoww it’s said the same way but the spelling slightly threw, me mostly because I’m dumb).
The third conclusion (yes I’m skipping the second for the moment) is pretty obvious. Ke$ha, while having possibly being the only person I know of to spell their name with a dollar sign, is pretty awful to listen to. Now before you ask me what I’m talkin’ bout, I enjoy radio-friendly pop music. While Ke$ha falls into this her music still doesn’t really interest me at all.
Now to the second (though the third I talk about) conclusion I’ve drawn from this report is that porn makes people sad. The internet has made porn accessible to anyone and everyone and it seems since this has become a reality that people are more bummed. I’m not sure why this is. Actually, I am sure why this is.
I am completely for freedom of expression and thus I am for pornography. Sex between two consenting adults on film is just swell. But watching porn is kind of depressing when you get down to it. You’re watching these two people you’ll never meet (most likely) getting off as you’re getting off alone (most likely). There’s nothing inherently wrong with solo masturbation. In fact, there’s been studies that show that masturbation is beneficial for humans. But never getting off with an actually living person is not beneficial. So there’s a ying/yang kind of thing going on here (don’t try to overthink that sentence).
I would say that most people who frequently view pornography are very horny. I would also say that they are probably pretty lonely as well. Porn is usually enjoyed in a dimly lit room on a tiny little screen, possibly with the aid of KY Lube. It’s an exciting endeavor right up until you finally reach climax and feel just terrible about the mess you made and knowing you have to clean up that very mess. Thoughts go into your head such as “why am I doing this?”, “I should have had a maid clean my mess”, and “wow I could have been at a Red Sox/Yankees game but intstead I stayed home and made a mess on my stomach and now realize that this emptiness I feel at the moment feels like it is prophecy as to what the rest of my life will entail. As if this moment will just be one of many. That eventually the lonliness that comes from masturbating and cleaning up your mess will drive you to be an unhappy person.
So, the Brits kind of got this study right. I don’t think anyone wanted to swallow a bullet because of A Little Orphan Anni radio show. I hope so anyway. That red headed orphan was not all that sexy.