Love, Loneliness, and Summer

It was 80 something degrees today. I decided to celebrate the start of hot (8o something is hot to me) weather by doing what I do every year: getting sexy with myself in the early morning hours and then forcing myself to stand in my backyard with a sign that says “sinner”. You’re possibly wondering why making myself stand in my somewhat secluded backyard is a punishment. I’ll quell your wonders and tell you why. It’s because it is 80 something degrees outside and that’s simply an awful temperature. But I digress.

I’ve found, as I’m sure you have, that when warm weather comes around there is a care free atmosphere about the world. In your head you imagine wonderful scenes of walking on the boardwalk, wading through the ocean, and riding ferris wheels round and round and round and round. And these things make you happy, as they should. But, why does that make you happy? Is it because throughout your life you have been led to believe that this is the case? As a child (and an adult) we have been let out of school, the childhood prison (adult purgatory), for three months of freedom.  Thus we are trained to think that sweating profusely in public only to take comfort in dipping ourselves in the toliet of the world is a good thing, when really it’s just gross.

But Keith, love is always around in summer. Yes, of course it is. But you know what else is around in summer? Loneliness. Granted, it’s a different kind of loneliness than one would feel in winter (the best and seemingly worst time to be lonely) just as the love you feel in winter is different than the love you feel in summer (winter love brings about thoughts of cuddling by fire places while summer love recalls driving in scorching hot heat in a car without air conditioning in traffic so you can go to an over crowded beach where you may or may not get tetanus by stepping on a broken  Corona bottle).

Summer loneliness is worse than the loneliness you may feel in winter because, to be honest, people expect you to be lonely in winter. Christmas is possibly the best holiday if you want to feel bad about your being single. But there is something stupidly romantic about being single in the winter too. It’s cold and the world seems to be an extension of the feelings that you’re having, which in an odd way, is slightly comforting.

Summer loneliness is much more public. You’re supposed to go outside and be social in the summer. There’s pool parties and barbecues and beerbecues and parties where you get drunk and jump in a pool and all these things just cry out for you to show your face. Because, what do you do when you’re lonely? You eat. And drink. And you also smoke (these parties being outside demand you keep your vices). And because all these things are such a good time, you feel that you shouldn’t be lonely while you do them. But you are so you do them more and more and you become that guy at the party. That guy hates that he’s that guy.

There is nothing quite like the feeling one can feel when going to the beach and suddenly feeling that empty feeling of being alone. You just kind of stare at the horizon and watch the waves roll up and down the beach. Meanwhile, couples are walking hand in hand, pushing strollers with laughing children, smiling all the while. Attractive women walk behind you in short skirts and halter tops laughing with their equally attractive friends and you just continue looking at the ocean. Because turning around and looking at all these examples of love just make you feel bad. Why bother looking at these good looking women when you know that the only purpose they serve is giving you a feeling of want that won’t be fulfilled (I guess they also fill a certain bank, which is slightly sad in it’s own way).

But I don’t want to be too much of a downer. Surely love can happen in summer. I’ve had relationships florish under the heated veil of the season. On the other hand, I’ve also had them fall apart under the guise of summer. I kind of feel like that’s worse than having them fall apart in winter. If only because it makes the thoughts of them out having a great time without you much more realistic. I mean, it’s summer. And you’re supposed to go out and have fun in summer. And that’s not easy to do when you’re lonely.

I would like to point out at this point that I’m not really this depressing. I honestly don’t know why I feel the need to take a widely regarded positive thing and twist it into something sad and slightly uncomfortable. In truth, I’m a pretty happy guy. And to be more honest, I only write these blogs to get laid. I clearly need to write better.


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