I Fell In Love Once Too

And it was great. So, for all those who are in the process of falling in love or who still consider themselves in love, congrats: It’s only going to get worse.

I should probably preface this particular post by saying how I am slightly drunk and therefore in that mindset where love is both wonderful and awful. To be fair, the wonderful part outweighs the awful part by a heavy margin, but I can still find substantial flaws with the latter.

According to Dictionary.com (my favorite place to go if I don’t know how to spell certain words) love is defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. With this definition being the one that I use for the duration of this post, I will disect the idea of love and the things it entails.

I’ve written before about love and how love exists and is felt because of the absence of it. Basically, you don’t know love (or at least don’t appreciate it) unless you’ve known heart break. On the other side, you’ve never experienced heart break if you’ve never loved someone or something. But what constitutes love?

Many young people (considering I’m pretty young I feel odd talking about the merits of youth) find themselves “in love”. But is that love really love? Is love something that comes naturally or is it an emotion that is learned?

We as humans can sometimes be very forgetful, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ll use myself as an example. I loved a girl once. Nothing came of us and because of this fact I was devastated. But then something happened; I met someone else and I fell in love with them. When this relationship went to hell I found myself devestate again. This blow to my self-esteem was absolutely the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I spent a good two months chasing the bottle and trying to fill the “void” that this person left when they left. But then something else happened; I met someone else. And with this new person taking up the space in my heart the girl who had left me didn’t seem like that big of a deal. I was sure that I had lvoed her, but I didn’t think it could match up with the new love I felt.

This makes me wonder if the love I had felt for this particular girl was all that real. I’m sure at the time I meant it when I said I love you, butI wonder now if that was actually something I felt. My memory tells me that I should have loved her because we were together, but when she comes up in random conversations I will remark our love because…well, I’m not sure why. It kind of seems that I only recall the love we shared it seems like the right thing to say. Sort of like my memory of this supposed love is more than the actual feelings I had for this person. That I feel like I should say it because it sounds like the thing to say.

Part of me definately believes that there was love in the relationship. You only stay with someone (for the most part) if you enjoy their company. This enjoyment can (and usually) will evolve into love. So, I don’t really doubt that I did love the person, but I do find myself doubting if this feeling I had was the real thing or if it was just the right thing to say at the moment.

For instance, the first time that you tell someone you love them, do you really mean it? Or is this statement simply a way of saying “I like you being around and we’ve been together for a few months so I should probably say this”. This makes me wonder if love is really just being incredibly comfortable with someone. That the only thing behind it is not minding having this person around you, the societal pressures that come with being in a relationship, and working parts that fit.

After looking at this it seems a bit sad for someone in his early twenties to be making these statements. Surely my ideas regarding love aren’t that jaded. To be honest, they’re really not. I believe in love and I believe that when people tell someone they love them they mostly mean it. But it also seems like a word that gets thrown around a lot and has lost it’s signifigance. And that kind of sucks.

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