Things NOT to Do When Under The Influence of Anything

If you’ve taken a substance that has the possibility to impair your ability to make sound decisions, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t drive. So with that being said, I will go onto less dangerous activities you shouldn’t do when you find yourself under the influence of whatever.

While you may get hungry, think before you decide to cook something. Eating something already prepared for consumption is a good idea if a pang of hunger hits you (like chips or cereal). Food that you actually have to cook is probably not the best idea. It’s easy to forget that you left the oven on when you’re on a bender and just need your personal sized pizza. To a lesser degree, you could wind up wasting perfectly good food. Like I did once after I microwaved a Hot Pocket. I went to bed and left the darn thing in the microwave. Come morning it was no good anymore. Well, it probably was still good. It’s a Hot Pocket. But I didn’t want to risk it though.

You should probably not talk to anyone. Although your phone call seems like the perfect thing to bestow upon someone, you should probably refrain. It’s not because the person who you’re calling doesn’t want to speak to you. It’s that you don’t have anything to say even if you think you do. Really. You’re basically being me but drunk or high. Or both.

You probably shouldn’t write anything. A lot of what I write here is a great example of that. If you would also like to see a great example of just how awful writing can be when under the influence of something, read lyrics by Jim Morrison. I believe Craig Finn, lead singer/lyricist of The Hold Steady. said it best.

The music meanders, and Morrison was more like a drunk asshole than an intelligent poet. The worst of the worst is the last song, Riders on the Storm: ‘There’s a killer on the road/ His brain is squirming like a toad’ – that’s surely the worst line in rock’n’roll history. He gave the green light to generations of pseuds.

He’s full on right with this assertion. And I’ve found that when writing “poetry” and not being of sound mind it’s just pretty awful. So, don’t do it.

You definately shouldn’t try to whisper to a horse. Horses can sense when you’re not sober and they will act all angry. Mostly because horses are mostly straight edge (as everyone knows). I say God bless them for their ability to turn down the temptations that fill everyday life. If only we all had the same convictions that these horses do.

Don’t try to domesticate wild animals. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but it’s really not. You’ll end up with rabies and and a sadness since you have failed at your endeavor. Sure, you may walk (or limp) away with a story to tell, but the story will end badly. Because wild animals don’t like to have madmade rules thrust upon them. Ask any fox. They’ll tell you the same.

So there you have it. A few things that you shouldn’t do when your under the influence of pretty much anything. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, over the counter allergy medicine, love or anger you should probably wait for these things to run their course before you do things you wouldn’t normaly do. It’s for the best.

One Response to “Things NOT to Do When Under The Influence of Anything”

  1. Says:

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit
    my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
    Anyway, just wanted to say superb blog!

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