No, not the famous Cure song that can be found on their incredibly depressing album, Disintegration (though I guess it could fit in the overall theme).
I was watching an infomercial on channel 2 tonight (you know, instead of being productive or something). It was Timelife music collection focusing in on sensual love songs. The kind that Marvin Gaye and Smokey Robinson sang. The kind that, according to this particular paid advertisement, white people don’t really enjoy. I say this in jest of course. The commercial had a predominantly black cast and I’m pretty sure everyone featured on the CD was also black. This makes sense though considering that I’ve never heard a white person sing the way Smokey Robinson can. But I digress.
There were four things that came to mind during my viewing. The first was that I really enjoyed the music. The second was that I really wish I could sing like the people on the CD and that it would be humorus if I attempted to with my awful yelping. The third was that despite my enjoyment of the music I would never spend the money on this CD, and the fourth being that these songs bummed me out.
See, love songs have an ability to do several things. If you happen to be in a relationship with someone they can sound like the perfect soundtrack and the words that you could never quite figure out how to say in a coherant way.
They can make you hopeful that one day you’ll find someone and that you’ll be able to hear this song and think of that person that at the moment you don’t know.
Or you can feel, as I did tonight, awful.
I don’t want this to come off like I’m feeling sorry for myself or anything like that because I’m really not. I was just really surprised at how much a few well placed words and an overall jovial tune could make me feel alone. I guess it could also be because along with hearing about love and all the joy that comes from that emotion they showed people being all couplely. And when a lonely person sees a couple happy together it’s going to evoke an emotion.
You can get angry or jealous or just sad. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten mad at a couple for being a couple (unless it’s an ex or something where it’s understandable to be angry). Tonight I just felt kind of bad. Especially when it comes to the dumb perks of being in a relationship that you sometimes overlook. For instance, holding hands or having an inside joke that only the two of you can understand or the feeling you get as you’re driving to their house or the dumb way you say good night to each other or how your pillow has the faint scent of them. All those things are better than sex. And it sucks because by the time you realize this it’s probably after they have left and found someone new. And you wonder about their stupid little things and if the person who has taken your place is noticing those dumb things and if they’re better than the dumb things you had. Those thoughts keep you up at night and make you feel like Marvin Gaye is poking you with a sharpened stick.
But the sex part is pretty swell too.