My Problem With Science (the world may be round but it was better off flat)

A Yale University student died two days ago while working in a chemistry labratory. Her hair got caught in the lathe she was working with and died due to asphyxia due to neck compression.

The first thing I thought when I read this story was how horrible it must be for the young woman’s family and friends. Then I thought about how this is a horrific way for a person to die. Then I thought that science can really be a dick.

I know some people who went to college or are currently going to college to study something involved in science. I also know that there are several different branches of science so don’t bother thinking about the potential good things that science has done. If you do that you’ll completely ruin my point and this little diatribe will be pointless.

So to get the good that science has done out of the way, I’ll say that incredible advancements in medicine have made living better. I also believe that scientists created the delectible desert treat, the twinkie. So that right there should probably excuse anything that science has done that has been…well, weird.

For instance, cloning. Do you remember that sheep that was cloned back in 1996? Well, that delightful sheep Dolly was actually really creepy. Honest. Look at a picture of that sheep, preferably one where she is looking head on at you. That thing doesn’t have a soul. You can see it in the eyes. Or not see it in the eyes. The point is, when that sheep dies it is not going anywhere. Actually, that sheep did die. Because science decided to put her down at the age of six since the poor creature contracted lung cancer. Which leads me to another problem with the whole cloning thing.

If you’re going to be cloning an animal or a person, wouldn’t you want them to have something about them that didn’t get diseases that humans get? I know that a clone is just a replicant of something that already is, but wouldn’t you maybe tweak it a bit? I’m just saying, if I was Dolly I’d be pretty pissed. They go through all this trouble of creating you and then just poke and prod you until they decide to kill you because you’re suffering from a terminal cancer. Yay science.

OK, this was the first time that this was done and it isn’t often that one’s first time is perfect. So I guess we should be giving science the benefit of the doubt. I mean, they tried right? Bullshit, I say.

The whole reason that Dolly came to be, according to animalresearch.info, was to learn about producing medicine in the milk of farm animals. Seeing that I am not very smart when it comes to farm animals I don’t really know what they were trying to do so I’m not going to judge them on ther merits of the study. I will judge them on how they took a 6 year old sheeps cells and created a baby sheep that had the make-up of a 6 year old sheep. It’s kind of like Benjamin Button but with a farm animal rather than Brad Pitt (I never saw the movie so I could be wrong with that analogy. In fact I am since Dolly didn’t get younger. She just got old quicker).

Stepping away from the white dwarf Dolly, I want to look at whether life is simpler because of science. In many way’s life is. You can call people instead of having to walk to see them. Hell, you can just text people. You can clean your clothes by putting it into a machine rather than having to wash it by hand. You can watch people through a box. Pay for things with a card. Cook a meal in two minutes.

But are these things that make life simpler made available at the expense of our minds? Hear me out. We have all this knowledge available for us to use however we see fit, but can’t too much knowledge sometimes just make things more complicated than they originally were? To go back to how phones and other forms technology have made life seem easier, I would propose that it has caused just as much of a headache as having to talk to someone face to face did. How many times has a text been taken in an entirely different way than it was intended? What about cars? Isn’t it awful when your car breaks down and you’re stuck waiting for a tow truck? Having to pay for the incredibly hard to find part that no mechanic seems to have. It would have been easier if you had just walked the mile to do what you had to do. You would have more money in your pocket and you’d be a little healthier too.

As you can see, science only wants to kill you. And kind of control you for a little bit before they decide to end it. So I say a sardonic thank you to science for being such a jerk.

And now to go and watch a movie on my computer while listening to my mp3 player and eating a hot pocket and not think about much of anything.

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