On the 20th of March something happened to the planet. I wrote about a dream I had involving the candy Airheads and the seasons change (I actually wrote about my dream on the 21st, but I may have had it on the 20th. So we can just pretend that somehow the changing of seasons inspired my non-free thought mind to conjure the visions). Winter finally ended it’s cold grip and the flowers blossomed and beautiful sunshine rained down from the sky (it actually snowed again on the first of April).
So in my wishings for the coming spring I’m slightly late. But that’s OK. Because the sincerity is there. As well as fragmented. Sentences. Which aren’t really fragments of sentences. After a quick google search showed otherwise. This would really piss people off if I constantly wrote like that. In fact, my tens of readers would surely dwindle to one or two or maybe three (like a long weekend).
I can’t say that I’m really looking forward to the spring though I’m also not fretting it’s arrival. It’s what it is. The warmer weather will be nice, but we all know that it will get hot again really quick. If you’re a female you probably love that actual spring weather (which I kind of feel is perfect for a light sweatshirt) will only last about a week before the air gets humid and the temperature rises to uncomfortable (to me) levels. Why do females like the weather of summer so much? I’ve thought about it a lot and lost nights of sleep and days of activity over it. This is what I’ve found.
In an ideal world for women, they would be able to walk around nude or at least shirtless. Freud would say that they feel this way because men can walk around without shirts without any negative stigma attached and women all wish they had a penis. I sort of agree with him minus the penis aspect (apparently his favorite aspect). Every girl I’ve dated (a number in the thousands) has had this sort of anger towards men when it comes to exposing nipples. They’ve actually threatened me with violence over the matter. This seems really odd to me considering that I never go out in public with my bare chest exposed. But I guess the fact that I align myself with the sex able to go topless without turning a discerning eye is enough for a shanking (this sentence sounds really smart up until the shanking. I actually think I might be misuisng words as well. So it only seemed smart).
I contend that women should be allowed to go about their day without donning a shirt if they see fit. This thought all has to do with public safety of course. As the weather starts to warm you’ll notice more females running and doing other physical activities (not sleeping with me). This activity will require them to wear very revealing clothing that allows them to remain cool and do all the movements that various exercises require. This will pique the interest of men who seem them in such an “untamed” manner. This means more car accidents and fist fights with jealous boy friends and falling into wells. It’s chaos and it happens every year when the world is hot.
Sure, the first few times people (particularly men) see topless women running in parks while listening to Tony Robbins seminars on their ipods could cause some situations of panic. But this novelty will run its course and eventually it won’t matter anymore. It’ll be old hat as they say (they being the voices in my head). Soon it will become such a common site that young blokes (not sure why I went British there) will feel fine to jog along with their sun-dried grandmothers. It’ll be a sexy utopia of not caring.
You could say that the nudity aspect of it won’t really matter because what does matter is the attractiveness of the female or the size of her breasts or the roundness of her seat cushions (I hope this slang catches on) and weather she’s nude or wearing a tight halter means nothing. She’s good looking so you’re going to turn your head and miss avoiding the hole in the ground that could spell your demise. I can understand this. I saw this flaw in my ramblings a mile ahead of where it was going to raise it’s ugly stupid head. My response is pretty simple. Fuck ’em. The people who are going to be starring at females in parks and risk death in order to achieve their goal (someone of them are rather pleasant goals) should be allowed to die for their “cause”. In time they will realize they’ll be other really good looking girls running at the park every god damn day and will learn that putting yourself at risk because of it is just stupid.
Really. Do you think that just starring at a girl running is going to get her to talk to you? If she does it’s out of pity and trying to get away from an uncomfortable situation. They won’t be talking long. Or is this somehow once and awhile short bumb in a way of trying to have sex with her? I don’t think it’s going to work that way. You’ll be the guy who you just run by. Or the guy that causes countless of lovely ladies to spend a summer of not working out in the atmosphere they feel most comfortable. So in a way these perverts are just assholes.
So guys, do you really want to be a perverted asshole? You do realize you could go home and google up images that make a sexy girl jogging in a park look like Mother Thresa planting flowers. Hell, sit outside with your laptop if you need the feeling of sun to be there too.
It’s not the style of life for me. My acts of depravity will stay where they belong. A dimly lit room and with a sense of sadness.