I love to sleep. I really love to sleep. But I hate sleeping at night.
Let me explain: Once I go to bed at night I know that I’ll have to get up in the morning and go about my day (ie: get out of bed, put on clothes, go to work, shave my hairless cat Oscar, conversate with my horeshoe crab Gary).
Now, all these day to day tasks aren’t all that bad. But thinking about them is. Knowing that I have to do them makes them seem awful. While getting up is the first thing you do when you start your day, falling asleep is the thing that allows the getting up to happen. Which means that falling asleep is the one thing that creates my anxiety. Not actually doing these tasks, but thinking of them.
This is certainly a stupid way to live. I shouldn’t be anxious, but I am and it’s all because of my irrational fear of having to get up. The night before a day where I have nothing to do allows me to have a somewhat decent night of sleep.
I’ve tried to find a reasonable way to deal with this problem and have so far come up with none. Being a recluse isn’t a very good way to get through your day. With that being said, I really do like sleep. So maybe locking my door and closing my blinds is the best thing to do. Or maybe it’s the only thing to do. You know, besides actually living my life and just dealing with my stupid fears.