Buying Drinks for a Girl is Pretty Much Prostitution

And every man has solicited for sex.

Just to get it out of the way, my personal feeling about prostitution is that it should be legal. After all, it’s her body. Why does her providing a service matter to me? And hey, abortion uses the same logic, so why shouldn’t it apply to prositution as well?

So that’s my feeling on that.

But whenever you go to a bar and you are sitting by a marginally attractive female, you will most likely buy her at least one drink. It’ll happen out of nowhere, too. You’ll be enjoying your beverage (mine is always some kind of spritzer) and she’ll come to the bar and order her drink and begin to get her money out. That’s when you will tell her to put her money away and that this drink is on you. She’ll say thanks and take her drink and walk away and sit down with her friends and you’ll wonder why you wasted your money on something that deep down you know would go nowhere.

As much of what my conclusions have been as of late, this finds itself in the same category: Men are stupid. If you’re buying a girl a drink and it’s not already an agreed to meeting where it’s perfectly reasonable for you to buy her a drink, don’t. You’re just wasting your money. Money that could be spent buying more drinks for yourself.

You see, that very girl you bought a drink for has already had several free drinks before you. In fact, the only money she has laid out is the dollar she put in the jutebox so she could hear Alanis Morissette sing about some bullshit women’s liberation garbage. So, in a way, that girl who you bought a drink for has done nothing for you except piss you off with her choice of music.

The only reason you bought her the drink in the first place is because you wanted to start conversation and seem established as you do so. You have money to waste and you’ve picked her to waste it on. You just want a way in to spark conversation. And you only want conversation because you want to sleep with her. And to be quite honest, even if it all works beautifuly you’re not going to enjoy it. You’ll be drunk, she’ll be drunk, and you’ll have that terrible moment in the morning where she will say something along the lines of ‘did we do anything’? And sometimes you’re going to say no, because by the time you got back to your house she passed out in your bed before anything could happen. And when you tell her this she’s going to say something or have a look of relief on her face which is just going to make you feel awful. Not even this drunk whore you brought home wants to sleep with you. She just enjoys your down comforter. Not your looks, not your personality, nothing. She’s too focused on trying to get her eyes to open all the way before she has to leave for work. And did I mention that she loves your down comforter?

So, you’ve shelled out money, had hope instilled in your heart, and for what? Nothing but a lighter wallet and sheets laced with perfume that makes you kind of nauseous.

I guess the moral of the story is simply to stick with the pros. Those ladies on the corner in overly revealing garments. At least with them you get what you paid for and maybe a little something extra too. I’m talking about mouth herpes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: