Pig Lady Road and the Thrill of Disappointment

Being from the grandest state in the Union (meaning New Jersey) there is never a shortage of fun to be had. We have cities and forests and hills and beaches and a lady pig hybrid (kind of like South Park’s ManBearPig I guess but minus the bear and replacing the man with a lady).

On a Friday night, myself and three friends decided to hang out and just see where the night would take us. After playing some pool at one of my friends residence and enjoying a meal at a local eatery, we decided to set out on the open road. The destination? Pig Lady Road.

Pig Lady Road is a Weird New Jersey attraction in the township of Hillsborough. Apparently you’re supposed to drive down Roycefield Road (Pig Lady Road) and flash your lights and yell “pig lady” three times and the pig lady is supposed to appear and scare the ever living shit out of you.  

See, around the year 1900 a horribly disfigured woman was believed to live in Hillsborough on a secluded farm away from all of the other citizens of the town. She fled to this secluded land to be away from all of the taunting that she received due to her appearance. The story goes that while tending to her land one day two boys saw her and began teasing her. They vowed to return to her property later that night to place a dismembered pigs head on her steps. Well, when these two rascals went to deliver their ‘gift’ they vanished.

Years later after the town had some growth in population, the boys bones were found while constructing a new home.

This brings us to the other day. My friends and I went down this “haunted” road and did the steps to entice the lady who resembles a pig to appear and try to kill us, I guess. To my surprise nothing happened. This finding certainly left us all feeling pretty bad, but then I started thinking.

Maybe the pig lady was simply tired. It’s a rough world out there and looking like an ugly Miss Piggy must take it’s toll on a person. Perhaps she was tired of getting out of bed, putting on proper clothing and slippers, and running outside just to give some joy riders a story to tell.

In a way, she’s been doing us all a favor by honoring her frightening tale. Maybe this is the way that she is trying to atone for killing those two brats more than a century ago. Maybe she just wants to settle down with a good novel, a warm glass of milk, and a blanket and put her old life behind her. I think it’s a reasonable premise.

After all, even Pig Lady deserves a vacation every now and then.

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