Everyone lies on their resumes. Some of us just go all out. In no particular order.
Catcher of the St. Louis Cardinals.
Bat boy of the St. Louis Cardinals.
Tony La Russa’s professional Sock Drawer keeper.
St. Louis zoning board offical.
Anti-St. Louis Offical Kansas City Division.
Tom Bosley Manicurist
President of an After Soviet Union Nation that is Artfully Smudged on Every Application that Ends in -stan
Barack Obama Speech Writer
George Bush Speech Writer
Bill Clinton Joke Writer
Louis Anderson Nutrition Advisor
Black Panther Organizer
At this point in the job interview the manger of Perkins will grow curious as to why I keep handing him crumpled tissues with random ink smudges and mucas. He then points down the road to a Denny’s.